VoiceLine

Male attention is often unwarranted. Sometimes, you might be seeking it. But more often than not, it is unwelcome and comes out of nowhere. So why does this happen so often?

Most women in their late teens and early twenties have lived this scenario: you’re out with your friends at a club or a bar or wherever else when, suddenly, a guy comes up to you to start a conversation. If you don’t immediately usher him away, the conversation usually starts out simple. Small talk about where you go to school, where you’re from and all that. 

Eventually, the tone shifts. He starts leaning in closer to you or his eyes start to wander and you realize, once again, these simple conversations were never meant to be friendly. So why is it that men will view these interactions as potential sexual escapades?

Men will often mistake kindness for flirting because they would never think to treat someone they have no interest in in such a way. These misinterpretations serve as a form of projection.

Men can often, consciously or unconsciously, project their own romantic or sexual desires onto any woman who interacts with him. There is some room for a simple misunderstanding. For example, it’s culturally more common, and more socially acceptable, for women to compliment other women than for men to compliment other men. This is why women don’t tend to overthink compliments from strangers, it’s nothing new. Men, however, are not as used to receiving this kind of kindness regardless of which gender it comes from.

Additionally, society has pushed the idea of men being the more assertive one in a romantic relationship, causing them to misinterpret these acts of kindness as interest. Men also have the tendency to overestimate a woman’s sexual interest in them, especially if they find her attractive.

But women are not always innocent in this. On the opposite end of the spectrum, many women like to flirt for fun. And why not? It usually gets you a free drink or, at the very least, excessive attention. This is a problem in itself. 

Overflirting, nine times out of ten, stems from insecurity. Receiving this constant validation from strangers can serve as reassurance about one’s appearance or personality. By seeking this constant need for attention and approval, women attempt to hide their own inner self-hatred and fear of not being loved.

The issue with this, that many will choose to ignore, is that it is not a problem-solver. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. This projection of insecurities blinds you from the root of your issues. If women are unable to interact with men without flirting, it will often leave them unable to recognize their own insecurities and leave prominent attachment issues in relationships.

People need to learn that not all attention is good attention, and recognizing where it stems from is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.